The New New Ultra Weird

My accomplice Richard Schumacher and I read The New Weird, a genre incorporating fantastic elements set in an otherwise realistic world with no explanation. We agreed this anthology was ground-breaking, utterly mind-bending, a real page-turner, but that it was in dire need of a sequel. So we set out into the darkest corners of the Earth (and the internet) for new stories that were even weirder still.

Behold, The New New Ultra Weird was born!

Boy, did we find strange stories: a journey to the moon, a barbarian’s epic quest for revenge, feral environmentalists, man-eating porn stars, this book has it all! This anthology, the product of our toil and tears,The New New Ultra Weird has moved on to bigger and better things: strange and fantastic stories that defy the conventions of “proper” English grammar and scoff at the very idea of a narrative. We’ve featured some pretty big names in the publishing world, including: Dale M. Courtney, Jim Theis, Amanda McKrittick Ros, Ron Miller, as well as a whole host of writers who are fresh on the publishing scene. There’s also a ton of debate surrounding the genre—does it exist? Is it worth reading? How did it even start?—which we’ve included in its own section at the end of the book.

Let’s just say, when Gary Busey reviewed The New New Ultra Weird, he sent us thirty pages of dashes and asterisks, it was just that good. Now I am brainwashing you to read this book. Once you’ve read it from one cover to the other, all of your literary perceptions will be changed. Click here to order your copy! Do it. Hypno-Toad bids you.

Whet your literary appetite with this synopsis:

“BE PREPARED.

“You find yourself in a world of astronauts and aliens, of barbarians and fairies, of angels and teenage eldritch gods. Man-eating porn stars, feral environmentalists, color-shifters, cemented time-travelers, babies birthed from fish bowls. What is this strange and beautiful place?

“FEED YOUR FICTION ADDICTION.

“These stories are gritty, spicy, slightly neurotic. They’re hot and cold, black and white, soft and sharp. Witness fresh hot authors of fiction in their debut, but be careful–you might get burned! A genre descended from editorial slush piles, vanity presses, and scribbled napkins, this is the absolute best of the New New Ultra Weird. This canonic anthology chronicles the development of a legendary new genre from its humble origins to its great acclaim by Gary Busey himself. You don’t want to miss the New New Ultra Weird!”

Click here to order your copy! (Oh, did I say that already?)

Dark Corners publishes “The Friend Zone”

So it’s been nearly an eon since my last sporadic post. So today I will announce my recent literary victory.

In April, Dark Corners magazine, a swiftly-rising publisher of pulp fiction edited by Craig T. Mc Neely, welcomed my short story, “The Friend Zone,” into their noble ranks of authors, including such names as Will Viharo, Gabino Iglesias, Warren Moore, Mark Rapacz, Ryan Sayles, William E. Wallace, and Chris Leek. I have heard and read just about none of them, but apparently they’re each a sacred slice of the literary pie. Guess I am now, too.

This story spins the tale of a young lad who embarks on a terrible pilgrimage through a desert wasteland in search of his lost love, only to find himself fleeing from ravenous harpies instead. I’ll admit, it’s loosely inspired by a long-ago rant I posted about unrequited love. It’s my first literary acceptance, and honestly I was dumbfounded. If you aren’t mesmerized by the epic cover artwork of a bloody Ying-Yang branded to a nuclear bomb blast (I’m the Adam Bomb, you dig?) then here’s a teaser of the tale, epigram from John Milton’s Paradise Lost omitted:

“A quarter of the way through my life’s journey, I went astray and awoke to find myself lost in a great desert. It was the desert that cast all other deserts in the universe as its shadows: Cacti legions bristled at the sky like fists of vengeance; dunes wove across the desert like the spines of brooding vipers; the sand was bright and infernal, washed in blood and rust. A ridge of mountains reared as far away as planets, serrated summits vanishing in the strata, and marched thousands of miles around this bizarre continent of windswept emptiness. It was a desert ancient beyond creation, and I was all that breathed.

“I wandered into the desert. A shadow loomed over me, and I stared up at a broad green highway sign blotting out the sun, but there was not a road in sight. It was half-buried and its corners were caked with windblown sand. When I read that sign, all hope drained from me.

“THE FRIEND ZONE

“I remembered hearing about this place when I was alive on the Earth, but I never believed in its existence. I thought it was just a myth spun by white teenage boys angry about their sexual frustration, a way of guilt-tripping the girls who rejected their sexual advances. But I could deny no longer the land of the nice guys, this cosmic desert floating through the black gulf between dimensions. I could see now that the Friend Zone was as real as the corkscrews of sand blowing around me, more horrible than the visions of the darkest occultists of history…”

Tantalized yet? Purchase a copy. Read mine, then read the others, then read mine again. Click here to get your hands on it!

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New eBook Available! ‘A Cigar for Cupid’

A Cigar for Cupid

Brace yourself for a fast-paced, hilarious, and potentially outraging piece of fiction with a message that will leave you pondering the true meaning of love…

Ned Snodgrass, a bookkeeper in a sleepy village in Upstate New York and a lonely, hopeless romantic, has had his heart torn to pieces more times than he’s kept track. Yet despite his failures, his heart goes a-thudding when Misty Vale, a beatific yet aloof graduate student, walks into his bookstore. She ignores him, and so this affair seems it shall end in the same misery Ned has always known.

But when Ned rescues Cupid from drowning in the river, the love god rewards him with the ultimate chance — one magical arrow, to be used upon any human being he desires. One prick, and the love of his life will finally love him back! At first, the offer seems to good to be true — and maybe it is. For the chain-smoking, rambunctious god of love is far from the charming, rosy-cheeked cherub of endless Italian paintings. Can Ned trust Cupid’s word, or is there something sinister in the love god’s intent? Will Ned’s love for Misty Vale end in happily ever after, or will he pay for cheating the rules in the game of love?

Available in eBook format! Click here to download.