Making A Martyr

Behold, the face of tyranny!

Behold, the face of tyranny!

Breaking news: the Super-Patriotic Party of Benevolent Carnivores won the election. Now every American citizen is required by law to eat a big, juicy slab of steak every night for dinner, subsidized by the government. Don’t the polls reveal that 96.8 percent of Americans consume and approve of consuming meat? Go democracy!

“God evolved our incisors for a reason,” said the new president whilst gnawing on a chicken wing. “Our right to eat greasy tons of meat is protected by the Constitution.”

The new regime cracks down on vegetarians and vegans. Clerks who refused to sell government-issued steak to their clients have been arrested, and one vegan was allegedly shot and killed for attempting to stab police with a fork. Meanwhile, scalps are scratched and eyes squint as nobody is able to point out exactly what part of the Constitution covers American dietary rights.

This fiction reflects the reality of the prevailing drama surrounding Kim Davis, a Kentucky County clerk who was jailed for a week for refusing to issue same-sex marriage licenses.

Continue reading